It's hard. It's really hard. The vision sold about having healthy families did not include a clear indication of the sheer magnitude of effort, time, energy, pain, stress loneliness involved. Oh the number of times the fantasy of quitting comes! But quit to where? To do what? Life has become so intricately intertwined with family and my concept of self is nothing if not fully in service to them. So much so that the void that comes without having them is too scary a thought to even entertain. What's left of me, and will I ever recover that?